A Very Special Episode

#Content:Suicide

Much like the infamous Very Special Episodes of 90s sitcoms, I’m going to take a break from my normal postings to talk about mental health. I’ll get back to defining and defeating the patriarchy next week. I was inspired by a friend's post on Facebook on this subject. He is absolutely right. There is no sin or shame or fault attached to suicide. It’s a tragic end to a horrible, potentially fatal, illness. I am going to expand on the comments I left in the above post here, as it bears repeating. I hope to take apart some of the arguments that people use to justify calling suicide a sin, or an act of cowardly selfishness. Maybe understanding some of the reasons why people do this can help someone reading this find peace.

Before I get into those arguments, I am going to say this: If you are struggling with mental health, and don’t know where to turn, there are resources out there even if you can’t access traditional therapies. If you want information, BuzzFeed health news is a great place to start. There are articles that help identify Depression, Anxiety, and other common issues. All their articles have the following information, but I’ll post it here too:

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline can be reached at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) and the Crisis Text Line can be reached by texting HOME to 741741. Suicide helplines outside the US can be found here.

Hopefully, these resources can help you or a loved one.

Now, onto my arguments:

Many people still do think of suicide in terms of blame, cowardice, selfishness and sin of the person who died. I feel compassion for those people. Such reactions come out of real grief and pain. They are looking for someone to blame. They feel that such a sudden, tragic act must have someone to blame. In my experience, a lot of people who say this actually feel they are to blame. They ask themselves how they missed it, and what they could have done to save the life of their friend or relative. This unanswerable pain turns outward, and they place the blame on the deceased.

One common justification for that kind of blame is to say that the person should have just waited. After all, everyone is down sometimes. They should have just believed the popular (but flawed) mental health idea of it gets better, that we can somehow cure depression by moving away from a particular stressor, such as prejudice. But, while that certainly can help, it's not a cure. It's also not possible for everyone. The fact is, it doesn’t always get better for everyone. I was lucky. It did for me. But for a lot of people, it never does. In fact, it gets worse. They can’t afford the help they need. They are in one of the many areas of the country where competent mental health care simply doesn’t exist. They may not have family or friends that can help them. When  12% of adults in the USA are living below the poverty line, there isn’t much time or energy to spare to give to therapy. And no money to move closer to better support. Even when you can access therapists, friends, doctors it is not that easy to find help. The search is exhausting and feels like it is doing more harm than good. And those are just a couple of the barriers to breaking the cycle of poverty and Depression that trap so many people.

The second problem with the it gets better if you just wait and think positive thoughts lens is that it assumes Depression is situational or transitory. That if you can just wait long enough, the feeling passes and you can move on. To put it bluntly, this belief  makes the stigma around mental health worse by minimizing the severity of mental health illnesses such as Depression. Depression in the clinical sense is not transitory. It’s not situational. Stressful circumstances can, of course, make Depression worse. But it is largely a genetic neurological disorder. It goes deeper than just being sad for a few days. So even if someone does get lucky and makes it out of their bad circumstances into better ones, it won’t cure their Depression. It might make it easier to access proper help, but that’s it. There is no cure for Depression. It’s a complicated, potentially fatal disease that we can sometimes treat but never cure. In that way mental illness, and individual response to mental illness, is similar to cancer. Some people are able to catch it early, access treatment, be able to afford to continue that treatment, and have the support they need to get through the treatment. As I said above, many people lack one or more of those privileges. And, even if they don’t, people in every one of those groups die. It will kill some people regardless of what they do or don’t do. The people who survive aren’t stronger, smarter, less selfish, braver than the people who don’t survive. All of them are doing the best they can. It’s no one’s fault. Just like it is not your fault if your friend died of cancer, it is not your fault if your friend dies of Depression. It is also not their fault.

A lot of people like to think they can judge whether something is wrong or right from the outside, anyway. They want to make sure they don’t make the same mistakes. They particularly like to do this with money. I’m sure we have all heard the arguments about “the deserving poor” who spend their money “correctly”. Some will go so far as to say that poor people are to blame for their own situation because “they buy iphones instead of healthcare”. They don’t deserve help, or even basic compassion, as they got themselves into this situation and are now taking the coward’s way out. We’ve all heard these judgments. I’ve heard them aimed at me, in fact. And in every case they are from very scared people who have let their fear make them selfish and narrow-minded. They are ignoring the context of the action, and possible ways in which that outcome has happened other than a person being lazy, selfish, or careless. For one thing, problems with managing money can be both a symptom of and an outcome of poorly managed mental health issues. So can trouble getting or keeping a job, maintaining healthy relationships, and even complying with treatment options. People also make different calculations based on different circumstances. So, what you see as irresponsible, such as getting an iPhone, might be necessary for them. And, keep in mind, that it may not be expensive or any money at all. Many cell carriers offer free or reduced cost earlier generation smartphones on their plans. And anyone who is doing anything pretty much needs a cell phone these days.  A cell phone makes it possible for potential employers to call someone who is on the run all day. It makes it possible for someone who works long hours keep track of their children. The point is that we really can’t tell if someone is doing the “right” or “wrong” things, so there is no point in trying to judge it, or use those judgments as a basis for our own behavior.

It is scary to accept this, I know. There is a weird kind of comfort in blame, and saying that if they just did this thing or that thing, they’d be okay, and alive, right now. We want to hold someone responsible for tragedy so we can make them not allow or cause that tragedy again. We want to believe that tragedy is a result of personal choices, so we can make different choices and avoid that tragedy. The fact is that life just isn’t that simple. You can do everything “right” and still get hit with tragedy. You can do everything “wrong” and prosper. I could write a library’s worth of books on that point, but I’ll leave it here for now.

How, When, and Where to Resist

I have finally started a project I’ve been meaning to for a while. I’ve been looking around and seeing a huge amount of progressive organizing since November. All over the country, people have been in the streets, calling their representatives, setting up websites and taking direct action in all kinds of ways. But, it’s not always easy to find out how to get involved in one or more of these events. Websites aren’t readily apparent or easily linked. Facebook has such a fake news problem it can be impossible to separate the legitimate from the lies. A lot of times, unless someone I trust actually points out an event, I don’t hear about it. I know a lot of other people who experience this, too.

So, I’ve started a database of reputable progressive organizations. I’ve listed organizations that connect activists to events; organizations that support specific causes; and organizations that can help fund and support activists. I have 25 different organizations right now, and I plan to add to this list. The first column is the website of the organization, the second is a brief description, and the third are keyword tags if you just want a quick idea of what they are about.

These are national and international organizations based in the US. But, I am looking for local and state organizations and organizations based in other countries. If you have any suggestions for organizations to include, list them in the comments or email especiallysnakes@gmail.com. I’m looking for progressive or liberal organizations, preferably ones citizens can join without too much trouble.

Important note before I end with a link to the list: Just because I link an organization does NOT mean I agree 100% with everything they do or will do or have done. I pick organizations that I think are broadly good for people, and for the country. There’s no such thing as a perfect organization. I am perfectly willing to support and suggest places that I disagree with on some things. I don’t support organizations that don’t fact check or use shaky science as a general rule. Everyone gets it wrong sometimes, but there are groups that regularly promote junk science or propaganda without checking it. That doesn’t help anything. But, I recognize that there are many ways to take direct action on causes. So, if an organization is reasonable, helpful, does their best to be factual, and doesn’t encourage extremist tactics I’ll probably at least respect them even if I disagree with some things.

Resistance and Activism Organizations Updated on 30 Jul 2017

Mini Post Enjoy To Fight Another Day

I will get back to the Deadly Fears series, and my take on what’s happening around us. But right now, I have two mini-posts of encouragement. It is important to understand when we fight, and how to fight. It’s just as important to remind ourselves of why we fight, and why we take a break sometimes.

It is important to engage, and there are lots of ways and places to do so. Call your representatives and email people and talk to your friends. But you can't be outraged all the time. At least, I can't. And I don’t know anyone who can be, honestly. It is imperative to take time to do what you like to do, to have fun, to love, to be friends, if for no other reason than to remember why you are fighting the dark in the first place. Today I archived family papers and photos. I made jewelry hangers out of fabric and bulletin boards. I am sewing lace onto a skirt. I talked to my friends and watched Harry Potter all day. I do these things because I need to feel joy. I need to feel something other than sick and angry. I need to remember why I engage the things that hurt me and others. I also want to add beauty and color to a world that is increasingly dark and dangerous. For me, bright colors are a symbol of courage. Fear can make people fade into the background, and do everything they can to hide and not attract notice, even when this means that other people are harmed. By creating things and wearing things and reading things and saying things that make it impossible for me to hide, I remind myself to speak up. And, lastly, I sew Minnie Mouse skirts and read romance novels because they make me feel good. It’s fun. I enjoy it. It is not selfish or wrong to do things just because you want to. It is not selfish or wrong to choose to check out of activism for a little while because it’s gotten to be too much. Pause from time to time, and go enjoy your life. Doing so means that you live to fight another day.

Mini Post: Almost is Close Enough

I will get back to the Deadly Fears series, and my take on what’s happening around us. But right now, I have two mini-posts of encouragement. It is important to understand when we fight, and how to fight. It’s just as important to remind ourselves of why we fight, and why we take a break sometimes.

It’s dark and dangerous out there, and there are still Dementors and Death Eaters everywhere. It’s easy to think that only total victory is a victory, and that all loss is catastrophic. I think that what happened with the failure of “repeal and replace” shows that even partial victories, and narrow losses, actually help. The entirety of the government is red. We failed to take even one branch last election - that is true. However, we narrowed the margin of the GOP majority in the Senate considerably. They now hold it by only 2 seats. This became incredibly significant recently. The GOP tried three times to repeal and replace the lifesaving and durable ACA. But because that majority is so small, we the people were successfully able to stop this from happening. We will continue to stop this from happening. Our votes made a difference last time. We lost, but in such a way as to win a big victory. So don't give up. Keep calling. Keep voting. There is always more to do, and there will always be more ways we can claw a victory from the jaws of defeat. Our political system is complex, and this works in our favor. So don't give up just because you've lost the battle. You can still win the war.

In Defense of Protests

#Content:Rape, Physical Assault

I am not watching the inauguration today. I will not use his title, either. He is either Trump, or, if I am feeling snarky, Our National Disaster. That is my right as a citizen. And, I don’t believe the office or position of a person grants them any more respect than I’d give to anyone else. Frequently, the behavior of those in offices of power garners them less respect from me than I would give to the grocery store cashier. The police response at the inauguration is a really good example of this.

A small group of about 10 people started breaking windows. Instead of peacefully removing the very few rioters, the police began attacking everyone. This is what police have been directed to do since the 60s to break up protests. A lot of times, that small group is affiliated with the police and are there solely to give police an excuse to attack. I can’t say that’s the case here. But it certainly was the case at the Kent State shootings, according to FBI files. And it’s been true for pretty much every Islamic “terror” sting in the last 15 years. Even if these people weren’t paid by police, it still does not justify the police’s actions. First of all, there is nothing that anyone could do that would justify the police using chemical warfare against their own people (really, what do you think pepper spray is?).

And all of their actions violate the most basic tenet of our system: innocent until proven guilty. Unless the police actually SEE someone throw a brick, any arrest or blocking is a violation of that person’s civil rights. Many, many courts agreed with this after the Occupy protests, to the tune of millions of dollars. Also, pretty much every charge against protesters was dropped. And the DoJ is now breathing down the necks of every police department involved because their investigations found patterns of police abuse. They plan to continue doing this.

But I expect this. I expect the police to act like this in a police state. What I am constantly heartbroken by is the number of people who have been so brainwashed by this culture of cruelty that they somehow think this is okay. I’m not really blaming those people. We are trained from birth to believe that any bad thing you do completely suspends your civil rights and justifies any action. Heck, we are taught that anything we do that someone else thinks is bad or tempting or whatever justifies any crime.

I’ll unpack this more later, but look at how rape victims are treated if you want to understand what it looks like in action. Now, many people I know see why it’s awful to say that what she was wearing justified rape. What they don’t see is this: When you say a protester who broke a window deserves to be maimed and broken by their own police force, you are saying the exact same thing as saying a naked woman deserves to be raped. You are saying that because someone has determined that what they doing is against the law/wrong/immoral (and yes, being naked in public is also against the law in many states), they deserve any reaction, no matter how disproportionate. You are saying they are less than human, that a person who disagrees with their actions has the right to force their body on the victim’s.

I am not saying this to minimize the impact of rape and sexual assault. I’m saying this to point out that both of those violations come from the same cruel premise. And point out that being grabbed, attacked, and forced to the ground in any circumstance is traumatic.*  And defending one is to defend all the others.

To put in a more accessible context, let me paint this picture:

You are sitting at a table on a patio at a restaurant. You are enjoying the nice day, the food, your company. There are about a dozen more tables with patrons doing the same thing. Then, a person at a table across the way stands up, and shouts something about how they don’t like the restaurant. They then grab a glass and smash it on the ground, and turn over a table. Security comes over, grabs the person, slams them to the ground, and breaks their arm, all while yelling terrible curse words and insults. Even worse, more security guards come over to your table and do the same to you. When you try to protest that you were simply exercising your right as a citizen to enjoy food wherever you want, you are physically assaulted, threatened, strip searched and humiliated. Other people are allowed to sit at their table, but are closed in by an intimidating circle of security. They stop eating or talking or moving because they don’t know what actions will trigger  violence against them. They just sit, terrified for their safety.

Now, hopefully reading that fills you with horror and anger. I hope so. That kind of behavior by police is unconscionable. And it is that behavior you defend when you say “the protesters deserved it.”

The bottom line is that of course it’s not right or legal to break the law while trying to make a point. But no act of protest justifies that kind of reaction from police. Not ever. Not even if the police were in danger for their lives. Their job is to protect and serve, to lay down their lives to protect civil rights. But, once again, they protect themselves and serve their own interests rather than the country and the citizens.

*I’m not going to argue about which is more traumatic, because that takes away from the discussion here. I do think that rape and sexual assault are in a category by themselves on that point, and will talk about why I think that. But not in the body of this post.